Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
