I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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