Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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