Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
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About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
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We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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