4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
