only you would photoshop your dick
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
