I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
