Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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