oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
