Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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