apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
