I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize