im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
