you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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