i already hear my dad disowning me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
