In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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