She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
my poor anus
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
