Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I checked into jail on foursquare
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
