I think my fart just growled at me.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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