At least make sure they are 18
Why
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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