one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
God, I missed his penis.
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