why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
