of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How external is "for external use only"?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
