Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
