Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My friends, they love my intelligence
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Don't make out with my wife yet
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
