there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
