Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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