my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
