ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
