There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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