Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
