Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Boobs are out for the taking
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
