I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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