Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
