So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
