So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
