my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
