i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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