Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
