She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
worst night to have a conscience
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
