booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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