You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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