You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
