My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
