What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
