No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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