Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
As shirtless as possible
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
