look no pants
babies were throwing up all over the place
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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