I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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