If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
