It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize