probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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