I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
