Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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