Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No...this little piggys going to the bar
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So much rum. So many feels.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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