Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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