i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
