Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
