I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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