...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
