She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
