I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
