Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
