my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
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