smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
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I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
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I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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