Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
