idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
