Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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