I wish I could teleport
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
