if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
