direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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