I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
